Pre-Recipe #3: In Which Kaitlin Learns Why Everyone Uses Canned Pumpkin

At Farmer's Markets, I tend to lose my mind.  I don't really know what happens.  It's like, the reality of food shopping for things that I need (bread, eggs, peanut butter and Ramen noodles) fades away  and I pretend to be the kind of person who eats artisan cheeses and purchases $13 imported balsamic vinegar.

Why yes, I did need this huge bag of apples and these decorative gourds!

It was under this whole-food hypnosis that I not only purchased a half peck of apples (for myself), but also bought a pie pumpkin.  It was only $2!  It was adorable, it made me think of fall and I could buy an entire pumpkin for the price of about one can!

I picked out a pumpkin-recipe for my cookbook recipe that called for canned pumpkin/pumpkin puree.  I figured I could make my own.  How hard could it be?  Slice.  Roast.  Pulverize.  Easy.

WRONG.

So, in light of my recent pumpkin disaster, I am preparing to share the lessons I have learned.

Lesson #1: Nothing is as Easy As the Pioneer Woman Says

In preparing to make my pumpkin puree, I researched the technique for roasting the pumpkin ahead of time.  The easiest pumpkin puree to make appeared to be the one on the Pioneer Woman's website.  Difficulty "easy"-- my eye!  Which brings me to my next lesson...

Lesson #2: Do Not Begin Butchering a Pumpkin Less Than 2 Hours Before Bedtime

Why?  Because the Pioneer Woman's time estimates give my ability to chop up gourds way too much credit.

Lesson #3: Butchering a Pumpkin Is Hard Work

Since it's been year's since I've carved a pumpkin for Halloween, I had forgotten how hard those stinking pumpkins could be!  I got out my fancy, sharp knives for the job and attempted to slice in, like I did with the watermelon only months before.  False.  Pumpkins are way tougher than watermelons.  I tried assorted methods of sawing, stabbing and slicing.  Eventually, I gave up with all of these fancy methods and just started hacking away like a deranged gourd murderer until my kitchen was covered in tiny pumpkin slivers and I had removed the top of its head.  The pumpkin was split into slices by the aforementioned methods, combined with a heavy dose of thumping the pumpkin on the counter, until it broke.

Note the pumpkin shards from my Jack the Ripper approach to pumpkin carving.

Lesson #4: All Choppers Are Not Created Equal

The Pioneer Woman's instructions tell you to use a food processor to make a puree of the roasted pumpkin pieces.  Since my food processor was $6 at Aldi and has only been used on one occasion-- to chop baby carrots, two at a time, I decided to go with the Plan B listed on the website: the blender.

I scooped out my roasted pumpkin from its skin and dumped it into the Blender.  Nothing happened.  It made a lot of noise, but did not appear to chop anything at all.

Lesson #5: Do Not Stick Things In the Blender That You Do Not Want Pulverized

Because the pumpkin refused to be chopped in the blender, I decided that the whirring blades simply could not reach the pumpkin, which was being pushed up as the blades spun.  I remembered that the blenders on Chopped have a little stick in them, which is used for shoving things down.  Having no fancy blender with a stick, I attempted to make one using a wooden utensil.  This was a poor choice.

This kind of shenanigans never happens to the Pioneer Woman!

Lesson #6: All Choppers Are Not Created Equal Part II

After my first attempt at blending the pumpkin failed and I threw away all of the splinter-y pumpkin non-puree, I tried to mush the pumpkin using a hand mixer, which mostly succeeded at making a stringy, strange mess.

Lesson #7: Liquid Makes Blenders Awesome

After making my pumpkin into what looked like strange yellow-orange hash browns, I decided to just dump the stringy gourd and a whole bunch of water into the blender.  Then...FINALLY...I succeeded at making pumpkin puree.  It was a beautiful golden orange and it was fluffy and perfect-looking.  I actually did a celebratory dance around my kitchen while the blender frothed up the pumpkin puree in all of its creamy glory!  I bagged it up and set it aside to use for my recipe this week.

It's so beautiful!  

And finally, the most important lesson...

Lesson #8: CANNED PUMPKIN IS TOTALLY WORTH IT

Because for an extra few dollars, you can avoid all of this.